Well readers, you've been invited into the depths of my being after my last post. First, let me say thank you for allowing to me to go off style with that one. I am on a journey to find forgiveness through God's grace and love. Only by reading that piece could one truly understand why I am in pursuit of forgiveness.
Ephesians 4:31-32 tells us:
" Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." It says for those who follow Christ and His teachings needs, as a Christian, to forgive as we have been forgiven. We are taught that God loves us as a parent loves a child with unconditional and never faltering love. My husband uses the image of a child climbing up in to the lap of Jesus and being consoled like we would our own children. What an image that is. All of the pain and hurt I am trying desperately to release isn't mine to keep. God loves me in spite of the fact that I am a sinner. He loves me even though I struggle to forgive others.
Life has a way of leading up to events that God has been preparing us for all along. I have been able to forgive things in the past and move on, but why now, with the woman whom I called mother for those 33 years, can I not find that grace to let go? I have to be able to move on to grow in my journey with Christ.
“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” ~ Corrie Ten Boom
An act of will. There are no gauges to read the temperature of my heart right now. How can you measure a heart that burns so hot with hurt, yet so cold by years of pain. It's such a strange place to find yourself in indeed. I learned years ago, before I started to seek a closer walk with God, that in order to keep a relationship with my om I had to build walls. Guard myself from hurt and rage from her own heart. I see now, after reading my own words that I did myself no good all of these years by just "letting it be". Doing that only leads to a building pressure cooker of emotions ready to blow at anytime. I have found myself there many times. Yet, lately, as time goes by, I feel the steam releasing slowly.
I ask you readers to indulge me, if you will, on my journey. Whatever you struggle with daily to let go of, may we work together to heal. There are many relationships that can break a person's spirit. Take your time today to pray for God to heal your pain. Free your heart. For life is a short journey we all have here on this Earth. Don't waste it with anger.
